When you're getting your day started, are you thinking about what you need to accomplish today, or are you solely focusing on what others are doing? If you feel like your thought process has become dependent on other people's actions, you should know that there are some ways to be more self-sufficient.
Establishing your personal space is vital to understanding who you are as a person. While it might be easy to depend on others for their opinions and help, it can become very unhealthy, and you can lose sight of your individuality if you're not careful. Being self-sufficient can be scary, but it's worth it. It can make you a strong, independent person who doesn't need the validation of others. Even though it's never a bad idea to ask for help, it's important to try not to be solely dependent on your friends' or family's thoughts. For instance, if you're the type of person who cannot make any big decisions before asking all of your friends their opinion or you're extremely uncomfortable doing things alone, you just might be emotionally dependent on others. Instead of continuing this behavior, here are some tips on how to go down the path of being more self-sufficient.
Sometimes becoming more self-sufficient means you need to look deep inside yourself. Are you proud of who you are? Do you feel confident in your everyday choices? Having higher self-esteem could be the special ingredient you've been looking for. According to clinical social work/therapist Chamin Ajjan in an email to Bustle, "A belief that you are unable to care for yourself without the help of others is often linked to low self-esteem. You can empower yourself by increasing self-esteem and self-compassion. Doing this while working to master new skills can help to reinforce that you have the ability to provide for your own well-being, making you more self-sufficient."
Why give so much power onto others when you clearly have it within yourself to make good decisions? Being emotionally strong means you know the right decisions to make and are not afraid to make them. According to licensed clinical psychologist Kim Chronister in an email to Bustle, "The last thing you want to do when it comes to striving for emotional or intellectual independence is asking what others think about that idea. You risk losing your power and your motivation by asking everyone around you for permission to move forward with your idea." Instead of asking others for permission, follow your gut and do what you already know you're supposed to do. Because sometimes when you're asking other's for permission, you could already be seeking for the answer that you're hoping they will say. Just listen to your heart and things may magically fall into place.
As you grow up, you may go through some tough obstacles that will make you a strong, independent person. But sometimes life happens and you lose your sense of independence. For example, maybe you've just gotten out of a long-term relationship. Instead of finding someone else to depend on, do something that will get you out of your dependent funk. According to psychologist Dr. Nicole Martinez in an email to Bustle, "Develop a hobby, as you need to learn to be comfortable with your independent time. Learn good self care habits including getting enough sleep, eating well, taking time for yourself, and having a good work or school, and life balance."
Wanting everyone to be happy is not a bad thing, but being a complete push-over is not, because let's be real: Pleasing everyone is never going to happen. When you put other's feelings in front of your own, you can lose focus on what you truly want out of life. According to Chronister, "Assertiveness is a trait that can combat feelings of emotional dependence. If we assert our feelings by telling others what we truly want from them, we not only gain more respect interpersonally, but we become more emotionally independent as a result. Assertiveness is an expression that conveys that your opinions and feelings hold the same weight as those of other people. Maintaining your stance, even if it opposes another’s, is a sign of emotional independence."
What if I told you that being dependent on others can actually be explained due to chemicals in your brain? Understanding how your brain works and why you become easily attached might help fix the emotional issue. According to Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhD, in an email to Bustle, "Oxytocin is the brain chemical that makes mammals feel safe in the company of others. A gazelle's oxytocin falls if it roams too far from the herd, and it starts feeling unsafe...When you know what causes this feeling, it’s easier to manage. You can tell yourself, 'I am safe, even without the herd' and find new ways to make yourself feel safe. But you have to do it again and again because your mammal brain keeps going there."
It can be easy to become dependent on another person when you're spending time with them 24/7. Even though you know the person like the back of your hand, it can become unhealthy if the thought of spending time with other people gives your anxiety. According to Chronister, "It’s healthy to have your interpersonal needs divided up so that you are not overly dependent on simply one parent, or your partner, or one friend etc. Renew your friendships, make new ones, spend time with healthy family members, and network so that your needs will be met by more than one person at once."
Self-sufficiency is a beautiful behavior that everyone should try to achieve. It allows you to embrace your own thoughts and establish healthy habits, and while having relationships in your life is a factor that is much-needed, being completely dependent on them is not. If you have gone through a hard breakup or just need to reevaluate some life decisions, hopefully a few of step tips can help you achieve the independence you have been looking for.