How to make a woman leave you

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Doing these things to your woman will make her leave you immediately.

1. Be disgusting.

However gender politics wax and wane, women still hate that. Farting, burping and blowing your nose on your fingers have not become attractive just because we are all feminists now.

2. Crowd her out.

Talk over her, boss her around and refuse to be flexible. Be macho, demanding and difficult. One day, she will wake up and run screaming back to her life.

4. When dining with her parents, wait until she is talking, then catch her mother's gaze and roll your eyes.

5. Dance with enthusiasm when nobody else is dancing. Be the first to hit the floor at weddings, pre empting the bride and groom. Insist on starting a conga in the pub. It will be cute the first time. And then it really will not be.

7. Be stingy.

It is an astonishingly effective tack for making yourself unattractive. Buy birthday presents from the petrol station, split all dinner bills and take less spending money on holiday. Of course, if you are short of money then this won't work. Undercut this by purchasing yourself expensive designer clothes and a lot of computer games.

8. Whatever you do, do not listen to her. When she is talking about something important, simply tune out. Respond inappropriately to show you are not paying attention. when she is delivering great news. On the phone, make sure to tap audibly at an email while she is speaking.

9. You can drive a woman away by being nasty to her friends.

Bond excessively with the friends. Take their numbers. Send them funny emails. If she is away for the weekend, hang out with them and watch movies. She will tell you how delighted she is that you all get on. Then she will dump you and tell the friends they must never speak to you again.

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