According to the dictionary feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes while according to UNICEF, gender equality "means that women and men, and girls and boys, enjoy the same rights, resources, opportunities and protections. It does not require that girls and boys, or women and men, be the same, or that they be treated exactly alike.". This is where most so called Nigerian feminists get it all wrong and twisted, most of them think feminism is a fight against men. This crazy misconception have led many of them into developing sheer hatred for men and misogamy.
Now to the subject matter, i am not and will never be against feminism or gender equality, as a matter of fact i am an advocate of gender equality, equity and fairness. I am also one of those who strongly believe that our society and cultural practices are not really fair to women especially in terms of right to inheritance, women's right and privileges, how widows are treated by their husband's families, rape, female genital mutilation, denying women right and access to education and the very low participation of women in politics.
For me, i think these are weightier issues in our society and these are exactly what the so called feminists and women's right groups should tackle. Societies and countries all over the world have peculiarities and any reasonable person should know that the best way to handle any issue is to consider the peculiarities of the society. What applies and works in country A might not work in country B.
Just the other the the general oversear of the redeemed Christian church of God RCCG pastor E.A Adeboye while tweeting in celebration of his wife's birthday talked about how his wife still cooks his meals and serves him, and the whole Nigerian feminist world or should i say feminist coven went berserk and were questioning the rationale behind such a comment. It looks like what these so called feminists want has nothing to do with feminism again, they now preach misogamy, hate, resentment and disdain towards men.
Can we now have that conversation about how a marriage should be? To the so called feminists it Should be a 50/50 affair, more like a partnership, maybe rightly so. But the truth is, considering the realities upon which the concept of marriage is built in this clime, a 50/50 affair is realistically impossible. If it is to happen, fundamental changes has to take place first. I know you would be wondering where i am heading to, well! I am saying as long as the concept and practice of paying bride price is still sacrosanct in this clime a woman will continue to play the second fiddle to the husband.
Does our Nigerian feminists know that bride price is not paid in the western world? And if no bride price was paid it therefore means that fundamentally the marriage started on a 50/50 note and its fair and square to everyone involved. Over there a man could easily move into a house owned by the wife and there will be no shame in it but down here it is considered all shades of wrong.
For a marriage to happen here, a man has to bear 90% if not 100% of the brunt. From introduction stage to the last day, he has to foot the bills and in some instances cloth and shelter the family of the wife and also take care of their transportation or should we talk about how much he would massage the ego of his in-laws just to see the marriage over the line. Little wonder the phrase "a woman i married with my money" comes up every now and then whenever the man feels his status as the head is being challenged. No matter how educated and enlightened an average Nigerian man may be, the complexity of the marriage process in this part creates a mental hole in him. The fact that our culture makes it seem like a wife comes at a price, the man automatically expects some kind of obedience from the wife.
We are not in the same level as the western world, our fundamentals are quite different and what works there may not work here at least for the time being. Nigerian feminists should stop the misogamy, disdain and resentment towards Nigerian men and channel their energy to what the Nigerian woman needs most. Feminism is a welcome development, gender equality is a right course to pursue but he who is chasing an animal should please mention the animal he/she is chasing so that the cricket will not die from excessive running.
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