Start your day with these rib cracking jokes

J.TBG

1. That is how u will visit someone and see a dog without chains and they'll be like, "Don't worry, it won't bite u" and I be like, "Come o, are u the dog? Is the dog you? I mean have u been a dog before?

I just hate nonsenses.

2. This morning, I saw a group of people surrounding a bus & shouting, "Give me my

change o!" I rushed & joined them... I collected N850.

3. Imagine marrying an old man for his money.. and you die first.

4. Remove boyfriend from some girls' life, and they cannot even afford tissue paper. Mtcheeeeeeeewww!

5. Being ugly is bad. People will just look at ur face and conclude u are wicked.

6. Imagine on ur wedding day, u call the caterer to know if she's close to the venue. and BOOM! She asks, "Is it today?.

7. Give her a laptop and tell her to type her CV, that's when u will know that this Brazilian hair is on top of coconut.

8. Your boyfriend leaves his phone unlocked with you. Instead of you to quickly transfer money into your account and delete the alert, you started reading his chats with other girls. and you think you have sense.

9. DEPRESSION is for people who have money. Not u my friend. U're just suffering from anger mixed with hunger.

10. When someone dies, people gather and cry bitterly to have him back. but let him mistakenly raise his leg. Omo, coman see temple run na.

11. Parents beating their children with cane are actually disobeying the scriptures. The Bible recommended rod.

12. I just heard my ex was hit by a truck... This world sef! 

I just hope nothing happened to the truck oo.

13. And if I've made u smile or laugh, lemme see some comments and reactions and watch how laughter will never cease in ur life.

Disadvantages of smoking

1. Smokers don't grow old because they will die young due to lung damage, as warned by the Ministry of Health.

2. Smokers won't be bitten by a dog simply because when theirl lungs are damaged they have to walk with a stick every time. And dogs fear people with a stick in their hands.

3.Thieves can't break into the house of a smoker at night because smokers are always awake coughing!

Care for your health


Common English mistakes


 British: Extreme

 American: End

 Nigeria: Extreme end


British: Knicker

 American: Short

 Nigeria: Short knicker


 British: Salon

 American: Barbershop

 Nigeria: Barbing salon


 British: Bend

 American: Corner

 Nigeria: Bending corner


 British: So

 American: Therefore

 Nigeria: So therefore


 British: Henceforth

 American: From now on

 Nigeria: From now henceforth


 British: Still

 American: Yet

 Nigeria: Still yet


 British: Reverse

 American: Turn back

 Nigeria: Reverse back


 British: Should

 American: In case

 Nigeria: Should in case


 British: Tell me the reason

 American: Tell me why

 Nigeria: Tell me the reason why


 British: Return

 American: Backward

 Nigeria: Return backward


 British: Ten pounds each

 American: Ten dollars each

 Nigeria: Ten Ten Naira each


 British: Repeat it

 American: Do it again

 Nigeria: Repeat it again


 British: Resume to school

 American: Back to school

 Nigeria: Resume back to school


Make I continue?

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J.TBG operanews-external@opera.com