We all agree that ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ which makes creating a perfect yin-yang balance in our relationships a tough task. Though every relationship has its share of ups and downs that a couple has to sail through together, have you ever wondered there might be certain things which you as a woman would be doing wrong? Whether you have recently started dating Mr Nice Guy or have been married to your Mr Right, there are certain relationship mistakes women keep making over and over again. Here Dr Rashi Ahuja, Psychologist and Hypnotherapist, Park Hospital, Gurgaon shares 10 commandments for women on what not to do when you have a partner. Read on:
1. Do not be too giving.
While it is not wrong to be giving in a relationship, rather that is what makes the relationship complete, but giving to an extent where you put your own needs down is something which is not correct. For example if the partner is abusive— whether physically, emotionally or verbally— a step needs to be taken. Give a warning saying that it is not acceptable, but if it is something wrong that’s happening repeatedly then it’s time to break the relationship. The main reason why we get into a relationship is for our own personal growth and anything that hampers it is not healthy.
2. Do not make your partner your only priority
Women tend to give too much attention to their boyfriends or husbands that their own personal lives shrink in the process. While being friends with your spouse’s friends is a good idea, do not forget to have your own social circle too. Many a times, women do not stay in touch with their friends once they have a significant other. Their priority changes and they start to concentrate on their boyfriend or the husband while it is not the same with men. Guys, on the other hand, do make you a priority but they also very well know how to prioritize themselves well.
Dr Ahuja says, “Somewhere the fault is also about the kind of society that we live in and how one is raised. Most parents tell their daughters that they have to make adjustments but we don’t know to what extent it should be done. In fact, parents should have these discussions with their kids.”
3. Do not forgive every-single-time
If a mistake happens once, everything deserves a warning and an apology but anything that becomes an annoying pattern should be considered as a red flag in the relationship. If you have put down your foot and despite that your partner continues doing the same mistake, then it is high time you either leave the partner or seek professional help. On the contrary, women also end up compromising and apologising many times even when they are not at fault just to save the relationship. Our take- Do not encourage the wrong behaviour and stop apologising right away!
4. Do not spend all your time with your spouse
The old adage ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ actually stands true. Ladies, consciously take some ‘me time’ out of your ‘we schedules’ and pamper yourselves too. After all relationship is hard work and it often pays if you take some time off it, sit back and relax.
5. Do not stop looking after yourself
Hit the gym and exercise regularly as this would keep your mind-body active and also boost your self-image. If you are angry with your spouse, take it out by sweating it out in the gym rather than nagging at your boyfriend or husband. This would not only brighten up your mood but you might also end up burning a few calories in the process— a win-win situation for you!
6. Do not lose your identity
Take time out for yourself and utilize it by doing things which would make you feel empowered—be it a hobby or something you have been thinking to focus on since long. Nurture your individuality and have your own identity apart from your partner’s.
7. Do not be financially dependent on your partner
Money is a constant source of argument even among the best of the couples. Considering our societal structure, though a man is supposed to support his spouse monetarily, it is also advisable for women to be financially independent. Financial security gives you a sense of accomplishment.
8. Do not be completely transparent with your partner
Remember, the more transparent you are the more vulnerable you get. “Some women feel that if they are not sharing every detail with their partner then they are not being true to themselves, but there should a clear limit about it. Your boyfriend or husband shouldn’t be the only person with whom you share everything,” tells Dr. Ahuja.
9. Do not be too emotionally dependent on your spouse
While being emotionally attached to your boyfriend or husband is natural, Dr. Ahuja advises that a woman should never rely emotionally only on their spouse. Instead, having two-three different support systems is always a smart thing to do in your relationship. The point being— Have more people in your life, be it family or friends.
10. Do not have blind faith
While trust is the basic element of any relationship, keep your eyes open for any red-flags and sudden behavioural changes in your partner. As Dr. Ahuja points out, “There would be certain changes in your partner’s behaviour; it wouldn’t happen overnight and that needs to be noticed”. This doesn’t mean that you become insecure in your relationship; just keep an open eye to the red-flags and address the issues. After all, communication is the key to any healthy relationship.
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